ABUSED IN MY MIND
We have been together for 15 years and have three children.
11 Common Patterns of Verbal Abuse - One Love Foundation
It began when our first child was born over a decade ago. He would be kind and loving in public and then tell me I was crazy behind closed doors. Often our conversations, particularly about money or work, make no sense at all. He dances around subjects and lies constantly but when challenged he says I am crazy. He also thinks I am screaming at him when I am talking in a normal, calm voice.
I have been to the doctor several times but he has not been sympathetic, saying he cannot discuss another patient. My husband has recently stepped things up a gear and I think he is telling his family that I am ill and insane. He holds quite a senior position at work and my worry is that if push came to shove no one would believe me.
I am desperately worried about the effect this will have on the children, although at the moment they are very well rounded and happy.
Don't Blame Yourself
I have stayed for so long because each time I thought I could fix things, keeping a constant glimmer of hope that I could keep our family intact. Only the perpetrator can take responsibility for their actions.
All of this is all done — on purpose — to control the other person. In this case: you. What your husband is doing is a crime. I consulted someone from Refuge refuge. The abuse can encompass, but is not limited to: psychological, physical, sexual, financial or emotional.
- The Kings Cavalier;
- After the Abuse Has Ended.
- The Delight of Vrindavana.
- The hidden anchors to toxic partners..
But you do have options. This is run by trained women who can give you lots of practical support.
Tell yourself the truth. Denial is a hallmark of abuse.
He began to question my every utterance and put me down in front of friends and his family
Invite the Holy Spirit to reveal the reality about a potentially abusive relationship. Admit you are being abused and recognize the damage it has done. Seek professional help and guidance. There is no one-size-fits-all prescription for healing. You need a trained professional to assess your situation and your safety, to help you deal with emotional baggage from the past and to help you develop a strategy for change. Healing is a lengthy and sometimes difficult journey fraught with emotional landmines. You'll need help and professional guidance to walk through potentially explosive and destructive situations.
Set appropriate boundaries.
What is Gaslighting?
Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, explain how and when to set appropriate, biblical boundaries. However appropriate, set boundaries with caution; it may escalate the abuse. Experts recommend seeking professional help to guide and encourage you. Find and maintain healthy relationships. It is critical to seek support from friends, family, and, ideally, your church.
Support groups led by a trained professional are wonderful sources of healing and comfort. Work to build healthy, biblical friendships and relationships. Research has shown that healthy social connections contribute to better overall health. Soak in God's presence and truth. God invites us into his presence and transforms us by renewing our mind Romans Spend time in God's Word, prayer, worship, and fellowship. It's possible that because you are damaged emotionally, you are unable to spend long periods of time in prayer or study. That's all right. Do what you can and trust God with the rest.
Forgiveness is not denying or excusing the damage caused by abuse.
Effects of Abuse
We forgive because God forgave us. When we forgive, we allow God to heal us. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. Forgive your abuser and yourself, if necessary. God will deal with everything else. With professional help—and by following these principles, you can break the cycle of abuse in your life and begin your healing journey. As you reach out to God and others, you can experience God's redemptive purposes in your life and become a channel of healing in the lives of others.